In 1987, I started attending the Vineyard Newport Beach for many reasons, but high on the list was that it was church of many possibilities, great music, lots of crazy folk, and no one cared that my hair was purple.

In 1992, I switched over to the big Vineyard in Anaheim because most of my good friends from college were going there and the Newport folks had started to go a wee bit too conservative for my tastes. Other than my 3.5 years in Boston, I have been sitting in a theatre style seat at the Vineyard in Anaheim for a total of 12 years. I have listened to John Wimber preach some of the fairest sermons I have ever heard. I watched Carl come and go, and now I sit hoping that Lance will not slide down the slippery slope of conservatism. But he has. Gone are the days of possibilities, now are the days of close to rote Evangelical dogmatism - the same ole same ole.

Since 1999, most of my friends have departed from the Vineyard due to job/relocations, too far to drive, new spouses who go somewhere else, church plants or burnt out. For the last 3 years, I have sat by myself. I have attended a Kinship group, but they are all ten plus years older than me and think that Friday night is an excellent meeting time. I have met many lovely folk, but all older than me and settled.

Yes, settled. To quote my friend Rick, settled. Though I am 36, I am not settled. I may never be. My parents aren't. My grandparents, at 80 something, aren't. I don't have it in me.

Erika and I had a big discussion a couple of weeks ago about how the Church is in a big of a shift as the Church was in from Late Medieval to Luther's nailing the Theses on the Door. I am right there with ole Martin, except with the branch of the Church he started.

Much like the Catholics in 1500, the current Protestant church in America (read Evangelical) is locked into a sick relationship with the political authorities, is locked into a judgmental doctrine of works (vote Republican, make sure you think just like us, etc. etc.), and has become rigidly hierarchical. As a unmarried woman, where do I fit, except to behave and give $$$???? Gal. 3:28, anyone?

There is neither Jew nor Greek, slave nor free, male nor female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus.

Who cares about the Evangelical fear of Post-Modernism? It has been over as a viable theoretical movement since 1985 or 1990. We are in a new era. Why after all the virulent anti-Modernism during the 20th century has Evangelical American now embraced the Christian-revised tenants of Modernism and bashes Post Modernism?

Why the embracing of political ideas that are close to fascism? Is the Church so afraid of the next era?

It seems that every 500 years the Western world under goes a major cultural paradigm shift and we are now in it. I want to love Jesus but be a woman of my time. Not 60 A.D. Not 460. Not 960. Not 1460. Not 1960. But now. While it would be lovely to go on time travel vacations, I can only live now in the moment that the Lord has placed me.

I am not afraid of the now. I rather like it. I have my own bank account, I run my own business, I get to choose my own spouse, I can vote, I can own land, I can drive my own car, I can run for political office, etc. It is just as good and as evil and as mundane as it ever has been, until the end of days when Jesus comes again.

Ok, maybe the era of Genghis Khan's sweep of Asia was worse. 60,000 people dead in one town in one day by the hands of one army on horseback. One of Gk's generals poured molten gold down the throat of the town's mayor. Yeah. Bad news, but creative...

What is America so afraid of? What is the Evangelical Church so afraid of? What happened to the Gospel of Jesus Christ, the symbols of the Lion and the Lamb?

So, today, I dragged myself to the last 30 mins. of church and to Lance's sermon on Loving vs. Judgmental. I was following until he made the following crack, "I am even trying not be judgmental about the Blue states." My heart sank. My stomach gain 3 tons of lead. I wanted to shout through a thousand people, "Isn't that the other way around? We shouldn't be judgmental about the Red States?"

This was my second Sunday back at the Vineyard since before the election. Forget about partisan politics, let's talk faith, hope and love. Forget about red vs. blue, let's learn to love the Lord and our neighbor. Forget about SUVs, Hummers, big houses in the hills, the Adkins diet, and let's give to the poor and oppressed.

I tried out the local catholic church on Christmas day and it was wonderful. Lovely Christmas carols, a good sermon (hominy? homily?), friendly people (the priest, Father Peter, greeted me and chatted; in 12 years at the Vineyard a pastor has never said hello), etc. But what do I do about a family inheritance in Protestant Dissent?

I waited to try out Holy Family until after the resolution of the priest sex-abuse scandals, as I did not want to go to the Cathedral of the diocese until the charges had been resolved honorably. I went and liked it, but if I don't like the hierarchy of the Evangelical church, what am I doing at the Catholic Church that has only in the last 40 years loosened its grip a bit after 460 years of fighting the Modern era and Protestantism?

Where to go from here? I am not quite sure.