I don't remember fighting sleep as a kid. I remember liking sleep.

In the last year or two, I have started to fight sleep. I get sleepy between midnight and 1am, I take my shower, do a wee bit of reading, get really heavy eyelids, and then a mild, difuse dread creeps in and I am wide awake. Wide awake for up to an hour.

I can't put my finger on the dread, but I have come to dread it and the moment of getting onto my bed pre-reading. If I skip the reading and just turn off the light and climb into bed immediately after my shower, I feel the dread gnawing at the corners of my mind and gut in the dark.

This does not happen every night, but often enough that I unconsciously force myself to stay up reading blogs or working on client projects until I am almost comatose to avoid this feeling.

Most days I wake up chipper and ready to go, only on occasion do I wake up with the dread in the pit of my stomach.

It is diffuse, no real cause, just.... no explanation that I can find.

Is it due to being single with no boyfriend/husband and children, so I have no physical and mental distractions as I lay down? Is it a fear that somehow I missed something that day? Is it my freelance work and life that I can stay up as late as I want and don't have to wake up at a specific time?

I don't know and I just don't like it.