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October 10, 2007
old farts
these days, with this current show i'm on, my work days don't start until late afternoon. this gives me time to do other things like sleep in, volunteer teach adult ESL, get tedious errands done, and generally put off doing anything that involves the computer for even longer. yesterday, i decided to tackle the Tedious Errands thing, and carefully plotted my route so that i could get Four Whole Tedious Errands done in one trip. i was heading home, feeling very pleased with myself about my efficiency, when i pulled up at a red stoplight. being that this is season-indifferent Southern California, it is still quite toasty and so my window was rolled all the way down. my smug little reverie was interrupted as another car with all its windows down, came screeching to a halt next to me.
Woman Driver: [shouting at the top of her lungs] SHUT UP LEROY YOU OLD FART!
Man Passenger: [shouting at the top of his lungs] I WILL NOT! YOU LISTEN YOU OLD WINDBAG!
they were so loud, they sounded like they could be in the backseat of my wee car. i carefully slid my gaze to the left. beside me was a battered old white Corolla with tangles of bright cheap Mardi Gras plastic beads wound around the rearview mirror. the passenger was a Santa Claus look-a-like, but wearing a faded Hawaiian shirt and a red trucker's cap. of course his name would be Leroy. the driver was a small African-American woman with glasses larger than her entire face and with a large bead necklace thing.
Giant Glasses Lady: WHY SHOULD I LISTEN TO YOU LEROY! YOU JUST TALK TO HEAR YOURSELF!
Faux Santa: SO DO YOU! AND YOU'RE THE OLD FART!
i attempted to mind my own business, but with them yelling like that, it was impossible. instead i stealthily adjusted my mirror so i could see them. hey, don't judge! you would've done the same.
GGL: I AM NOT AN OLD FART! YOU ARE!
FS: WHATEVER, OLD FART! YOU'RE THE ONE WHO WANTS TO ARGUE!
GGL: SO DO YOU LEROY! SO! DO! YOU!
and with that, she snapped the radio on to drown out whatever he was going to say.
Fuzzy AM Radio: AND THE LAWD SAY-YED UNTO HIM, DO YEW TRUST ME? NOW WHEN THE LAWD SAY-YEZ DO YEW TRUST ME, WHAT SHOULD OW-WAH RESPONSE BE? ALWAYS YES LAWD YES!
***i blink rapidly in disbelief***
although Southern Baptist preachers often can drown out everything around them, this particular use of Christian talk radio was not effective at all. as they drove away from the light i could still hear them, along with the blaring radio: "PRAISE JAY-SUS YOU OLD FART!!!"
Posted by hadashi at October 10, 2007 10:08 PM
Comments
hahahaa!!!! i love that they are not too mean with the name calling.
Posted by: poopymonkeyfish 
at October 16, 2007 3:49 PM
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