April 9, 2008
A hui hou
he was driving home from work, so they say, when he fell asleep at the wheel ten blocks from his house. when his car hit the tree, he was instantly killed. i'd known him for almost ten years; we'd adventured our way together through the crazy world of making television. he was a camera operator; as an audio mixer, i'd been paired with him before, and our jobs together were always more fun than work. he loved life with a fierceness that made people take notice; a native Hawaiian, he truly embodied that famous aloha spirit. he was generous too; with his time, his smile, his possessions. sometimes we would talk about what we were going to do after we retired from tv production. he was re-launching a clothing line he'd started, and would lament that he was a bad businessman because he just wanted to give everything away.
his sudden, unexpected death has hit our little community of production folk really hard. T.T. knew him too; when he was with me on a job in Hawaii, they'd gotten to know one another over the generous lending of a surfboard. it seems impossible that someone so alive, someone whose life burned so bright and strong, would be gone, in an instant, without warning.
i struggle now with why his story had to end now, so swiftly. i struggle with seeing the grief of my work family. i struggle with knowing that we daily live life on the razor edge; it takes not much at all to tip our fragile selves into the end of our earthly existence. i struggle with my deeply-held belief in life after life; "i know that my Redeemer lives and i will stand with Him on that day," but what about THIS day? what about the gaping loss and all the questions and whys now?
and so this weekend, at the memorial service, i waded into the Pacific Ocean, tore the lei i had made from around my neck, and tossed the flowers into the water. as i watched the waves take the blossoms out to sea, i said A hui hou -- until we meet again -- to my friend.
Keoni, thank you for all you gave to so many; if we can live life with even just a little more aloha, a little more fearlessness, it is because of you.
Posted by hadashi at 6:15 PM | Comments (0)
March 8, 2008
reduce, reuse, recycle...resell!
when T.T. & i got married, thus not only adding our lives to one another, but also our worldly goods, we tried to pare down all the Stuff we'd accumulated. we thought we'd done a pretty good job of it, but the garage was still pretty full. this began a saga of three years of being embarrassed by our garage and then talking about Having a Big Yard Sale. the key word here was Talking.
T.T.: we should just have a yard sale and get rid of this Stuff.
Hadashi: great idea!
T.T.: maybe next weekend?
Hadashi: no, i'm working. how about the weekend after that?
T.T.: i have a huge deadline.
(silence)
Hadashi: well, you're right! we should have a yard sale!
eventually, as time passed, this conversation would degenerate into:
T.T.: we have to have that yard sale soon!
Hadashi: um, i have to wash my hair.
-or-
Hadashi: we need to have that yard sale!
T.T. um, i have to organise my DVDs.
then we would generally moan about our accumulated Stuff and sometimes make a pathetic attempt to sort it some more. in a massive effort, we got plastic bins to "organise" everything, but that basically meant the garage stayed full of Stuff in Plastic Bins, as opposed to Stuff in Random Cardboard Boxes.
Continue reading "reduce, reuse, recycle...resell!"
Posted by hadashi at 10:43 PM | Comments (0)
February 20, 2008
(new year's) resolutions vs. goals
i've written before about how i hate the idea of New Year's resolutions, but i can't deny that a new year rolling around does motivate one to think about changes, growth, and goals. i realise this may sound like semantics -- goals vs. resolutions -- but there is a difference. "resolutions" tend to be big, unfocused, and possibly, ultimately out of one's control: common ones involve losing weight, getting a better/new job, paying down debt or saving money, or even finding a mate. it's just setting oneself up for failure -- conventional wisdom says people make resolutions simply to not keep them.
however, "goals" are incremental, realistic, and potentially fun. i wasn't originally planning to post about this, but after a phone conversation with a good friend who challenged me to do so, here goes with making them public:
1. give up the coffee.
2. cook at least one recipe from every cookbook i own.
3. take at least one -- maybe two -- trips to visit & catch up with old friends.
4. finish my self-study German language lesson book.
5. and one secret goal that i just can't share. sorry!
so far, number one has gone really well. it helped that i was ridiculously ill the first few weeks of January and had no desire to drink anything stronger than chicken broth, but i still miss the gorgeous aroma of fresh-ground coffee. sigh. one day i will maybe go back with decaf, but for now, cold turkey is cold turkey. i'm glad we got some really good teas in China!
as for number two, it's more of a use-it-or-lose-it goal. i want to cook more, be more creative/adventurous in what i try cooking, and also cull out the cookbooks that are useless to me. this seemed to be a good way to go about it.
number three is why my friend wanted me to blog this: i've said so many times i'd love to visit friends of yore, and yet haven't gone because of schedule issues, sheer inertia, or a false sense of how complicated it would be. so with T.T.'s blessing, i've decided that if i just go for a few days by myself, i could start doing one or two...dare i say three? trips a year to visit far-flung friends that i'd just love to have a cup of coffee with. oh wait. i guess it'll have to be tea.
numbers four and five are pretty self-explanatory -- i really want to continue to improve my German language skills, and it's just laziness that has kept me from doing so. as for number five...well, a girl's gotta have some secret skills up her proverbial sleeve.
so there you have it: my goals for 2008/Year of the Rat. i challenge you to come up with five realistic, positive goals that are actually achievable and go for it! and any encouragement for me is welcome...
Posted by hadashi at 8:31 PM | Comments (1)
February 6, 2008
happy Year of the Rat!
i'm thankful to report that we are fully recovered from the stealthy attack of flu that descended upon us, and now we're just working our tails off on various jobs (for me, a dog grooming show, of all things). i've just finished making a batch of what my family calls "mudoi," but are more commonly known as bao, in honor of the Lunar New Year. it's the Year of the Rat, which means that supposedly we'll get to enjoy financial success, romance, or perhaps a tsunami (seriously). around this time i try to celebrate my Chinese heritage in some way, and that way usually involves eating...of course... there have been a few years when i've made a big feast and had people over, but at this point, making the steamed buns is the extent of my effort.
i have, however, been thinking a lot more about China. it still feels so immediate, our whirlwind 2-week trip there. although it was immensely foreign, there was still a feeling of familiarity that i couldn't explain, except to say it must be in my blood somehow. while there were the outward senses that felt comfortable -- smells i knew, food that i loved, faces that looked like family members -- there were also these inner flashes of comprehension that i can only describe this way: as much as i have longed to see China for myself, maybe China wanted to see me again too.
Continue reading "happy Year of the Rat!"
Posted by hadashi at 10:28 PM | Comments (0)
January 5, 2008
this is why we don't have to drink at our house
i promise to write something about the wonderful trip to China, but right now i'm just trying to stay sitting upright without being too dizzy. a stealthy, swift bout of flu decided to hit me two days ago and i'm still attempting to convince myself that dry toast and Pedialyte are actually quite tasty.
yesterday afternoon, due to my general weakness/vertigo/fact that i had no sleep due to stomach cramps, i somehow managed to badly pinch my hand and give myself a nasty blood blister right in the middle of my fourth finger. T.T., who has been a very creative and patient nurse throughout, decided it needed some character enhancement. luckily, there is always a Sharpie lying around the house within easy reach. the results are brilliant, don't you think? we of course had to sing:
Rudolph the red-nosed Handdeer
had a very bloody nose
and if you ever saw it
you would even say it's gross...
then we laughed so hard T.T. fell off his chair and snot came out of my nose.
i swear, we always act like this whether or not one of us is running a high temperature...
Posted by hadashi at 7:56 PM | Comments (0)
December 20, 2007
season's greetings...
in a few hours, T.T. and i will be on our way to China for the holidays. we figure we should travel when we can, and now seems a good time what with the dollar getting weaker and the 2008 Olympics on the way. we're excited for our adventures to come -- we think it's a good way to ring in another year.
it's been a very full 2007, and especially the last few months have been packed, mostly with work. i've also switched over quite recently from PC to Mac and am getting used to this. i'm hoping it'll improve my computer habits, including blogging frequency...
may your holidays be full of love, laughter, and good memories in the making.
Posted by hadashi at 9:36 PM | Comments (0)
November 4, 2007
free rice for the hungry = a smarter you
quick! what does "alimentation" mean? is it a) sustenance, b) misconduct, c) a fanatic, or d) truthfulness? would it help if i told you that just by guessing, you could provide alimentation for hungry people through the United Nations?
FreeRice.com is the brainchild of John Breen, the programmer who gave us The Hunger Site (if you don't already click there, please bookmark it now and go daily!). he got the idea for FreeRice.com while watching his son prepare for the SAT. it's another click-to-donate site, but with a genius twist: you get to become smarter while doing some good.
when you take a multiple-choice vocabulary quiz, every correct answer "donates" 10 grains of rice that is distributed via the U.N.'s World Food Program. major donors that fund the rice have small ad banners on the bottom of each page. it's easy, fun, and ridiculously addictive, especially for language nerds like me. it adjusts to your existing vocab level, so even "ESL people" like T.T. can enjoy it and learn. the site is nicely designed and easy to navigate.
so please, do yourself AND hungry people around the world a favour and play every day! i've made it to level 46... i'm committed to getting to at least level 48, even if i have to donate thousands of grains of rice to succeed!
Posted by hadashi at 7:35 PM | Comments (0)
October 29, 2007
running out of excuses
as most of you know, much of my Southern California surroundings went up in smoke this week. although i live in an area that was not actually burning, the air was heavy and acrid most of the last few days, and all our windowsills disappeared under a fine layer of ash. the cars are filthy, and i have noticed poor Iku expending much more energy than usual trying to clean himself in vain.
today, strong cool winds swept in and cleaned things up a bit. i have been really restless, and honestly not feeling all that great lately. there has been an advisory to stay indoors when possible because of the soot and ash, which of course produces a great desire in me to be not indoors. yeah, i'm the girl who would never think of touching something until she sees the "DO NOT TOUCH" sign and then is overwhelmed by a burning need to just, uh, sorta, uh, lightly poke it...
so despite my general disdain hatred for jogging, i decided i was going to run to the top of the hill next to our neighbourhood and back, darn it all. at first, when this crazy idea popped into my head, i tried to make all sorts of excuses as to why this was a terrible idea, from pretending that i needed to tend the simmering chicken stock to imagining my kneecap popping out of its proper patella place. but i can't stand being so jumpy in my own skin, and i needed desperately to feel more alive. and if i had to wreck a knee to do so, by golly, i would.
ok fine, i'm just being dramatic. there were no hadashis harmed in the making of this run, and i can honestly say... (gulp!) i enjoyed it. there. i said it. i enjoyed the run. it did make me feel more alive, more vital, just having the sensation of wind flowing over my skin. i smiled at a lot of dog walkers and baby stroller pushers along the way. i saw a lot of kids taking advantage of the last hour of light, playing outside. i saw a lot of stressed-out people commuting home (except the guy driving the Domino's Pizza car. he was super happy. maybe because he always has the smell of warm fresh pizza surrounding him?). i passed a lot of houses with stunningly elaborate Halloween decoration, including one house that looked like an entire shipping container of cotton webbing had barfed on it. i smelled more than one barbeque in progress. and i witnessed another spectacular sunset, most likely courtesy of a half-million charred acres of SoCal land.
watching that sky, i realised there are a finite number of sunsets i will ever get to see, and so it would behoove me to savour each one. this led me to think about the finite number of steps i will ever take, which made me wonder if it was really necessary to run through this particular chunk of them so quickly. i generally move too quickly, and have recently begun trying to be choicefully more present in my little bubble of personal space -- probably why i was better than usual on this run at noticing the details of my 'hood. all the stories of loss and lament this week have revealed as important truths ideas that masquerade during better times as simple platitudes: "don't be possessed by your possessions." "never save something for a special occasion; every day in your life is a special occasion." "that (wo)man is richest whose pleasures are cheapest." maybe even "savour every sunset..."
in any case, as i now am trying to flex my creaking knees after coming home and making a butternut squash risotto, i'm annoyed to admit that there are meditative benefits to an evening run that an hour of kickboxing does not provide. they say your tastes can change as you get older, but seriously, what's next? might i actually start liking snow?
by the way, please excuse the broken archives and comments; due to a recent upgrade in templates, even i cannot comment on my own blog. i have told my very generous hostess that this is not a huge priority to fix, since she has a lot of other things (like making rent, or having lunch with me) that are more important uses of her time. don't worry, it'll all be back up & running sooner than later.
Posted by hadashi at 9:58 PM | Comments (0)